


Physical Guy

by katie_049



Series: Little Things [2]
Category: Chicago Fire
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Post 9x02
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:55:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28075047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katie_049/pseuds/katie_049
Summary: “I’m asking for the truth, Gallo,” Sylvie reminded him firmly, lifting her hands to her hips. Deep down she already knew who had sent him, but she needed his verbal confirmation. “Tell me who got hurt.”“It’s Casey, alright? Why do I always have to get myself into these impossible situations?” The young man exclaimed annoyed, stomping his foot on the ground. “Can I just please get the stuff now? I wasn’t supposed to say anything in the first place.”Her heart stopped at the thought of Matt being hurt. Despite what happened between them, she still cared about him deeply, and the possibility of something happening to him still scared the living daylights out of her. A life without Matt was unthinkable.
Relationships: Sylvie Brett/Matthew Casey
Series: Little Things [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2023634
Comments: 28
Kudos: 107





	Physical Guy

**Author's Note:**

> Part 2 guys!   
> I struggled with it for a bit, but Abby (gilbxrt-blythe on Tumblr) helped me out by talking me through some stuff. She's the best! :)
> 
> Now that we got that out of the way, I can start with the actually Little Things one-shots. I'm so excited about these!! And here a teaser for the next one: it involves a certain lieutenant from previous pictures. 
> 
> I hope you guys like it ♥♥

Sylvie Brett was sitting on the little bench in the back of the ambo, a clipboard in her hand as she was doing inventory. Mackey had gone back inside to start lunch a few minutes ago, a little reluctantly as they weren’t finished, but Sylvie had shooed her away, promising her she could finish the rest by herself.

The rattling of a motor sounded through the apparatus floor, announcing truck 81’s arrival. They had gotten called out a while ago, and Sylvie had hoped they wouldn’t be back before lunch. As they pulled into the apparatus floor, she quickly reached out to close one of the back doors of the ambo. Even a week after her moment with Matt, she could barely get herself to look at him.

When she was off shift, it was somehow bearable as long as she didn’t sit down on her couch. She loved her couch, but it reminded her of Matt and his painfully honest answer. Her first instinct had been to throw it out, but then she’d have to get a new one and that honestly seemed like too much trouble during a pandemic. Especially considering that Matt would have been the one she would have asked for help.

It was their third shift together after their fallout, and so far, she had successfully hidden from him most of the time. She had a feeling he was making it easy for her as he stayed inside of his quarters for most of the shift. He was giving her space, which was nice, but at the same time, it made everything so much worse.

It just affirmed and ingrained his unwillingness to let go of his past relationship with Gabby, showing her she was right all along. She could never compete with Gabby Dawson, and he could never love her as much as he loved her. And yet, against her better judgment, there was still the tiniest glimmer of hope inside of her heart that tried to hold on to his ‘I don’t know’ as a sign that he hadn’t made his final decision and could still choose her.

It was dumb and stupid, but she just couldn’t shut it out.

It had been foolish of her to fall for her best friend’s ex-husband in the first place. It broke the most important role of girl code, and she should have never let it get so far. But who on earth would be able to resist Matt Casey’s charm?

His constant need to help others extended far beyond his job, as he was always the first to offer help when needed without ever expecting anything in return. He was such a genuinely attentive and caring person who always placed himself in the background to make sure everyone else was taken care of. But she knew that deep down he just craved stability and a family of his own. And to top all of that, he was roguishly handsome. He represented everything she had been looking for in a partner for her entire life.

So, no, she couldn’t really blame herself for falling for him. It wasn’t something she had wanted or provoked; it had just happened as they grew closer as friends. He had been there for her through some of her most vulnerable moments, always by her side and ready to be there for her the second she needed him. He had the ability to make her feel special like no one else had been able to before, and together with the way he looked at her had made her fall hard. 

Did his behavior paint the wrong picture for her and had she misinterpreted all his grand gestures and words for something they weren’t? Maybe.

Was it his fault? No.

Did she just screw up another attempt at a relationship? Yes.

Should she just let him go and get over it? Absolutely.

Was she doing that? No.

Because that little voice in the back of her mind refused to let her give up on him completely. He was _Matt Casey_ , one of the most honorable guys she had known her entire life. He wouldn’t just string her along or use her. When they had kissed, she had felt his smile against her lips and his relieved ‘me too’ when she had told him she had wanted this for a long time. That had to mean something.

The wonderful feeling of his hands rubbing over her back and his fingers ghosting over her cheek as he kissed her, flashed back through her mind, overwhelming her to the point where she had to lean back and close her eyes.

Those quiet moments, in which she was reminded of their few short minutes of bliss, were the hardest. It was difficult to separate herself from the utter happiness and belonging she had felt when she had been wrapped up in his arms, but she couldn’t think like that. She was setting herself up for more heartbreak.

The past few months, she had promised herself to not settle for less and finally find ‘the one’. That one person who would always put her first without hesitation, something that all her relationships before had lacked.

The irony of it all was that Matt had taught her to prioritize herself more often in her life, and now he was the one person who she needed to prioritize herself from.

As the painful longing flooded her once again, she could feel the familiar feeling of tears pressing against the back of her eyes. She had lost count of the number of times she had cried during the past week, but last night in her bed, as another wave of sadness had flashed through her, she had promised herself it would be the last time. And not even 24 hours later, she was already breaking her promise.

Someone cleared their throat in front of the ambulance, and she hastily wiped at her cheeks, swallowing down her hurt before turning her head towards the person.

“Uhm, I’m sorry to interrupt, but can I get some gauze and tape, please?” Gallo asked her, his head sticking into the ambo. His hands were resting on either side of his head as he held onto the doors.

Her eyes wandered over him, or at least over the part she could see, but she couldn’t make out any blood or scraped skin. Furrowing her brow, she asked, “Are you hurt? Do you want me to take a look?” Standing up, she grabbed a few supplies, throwing them on the stretcher. This was just the distraction she needed.

The young man pursed his lips, pushing himself off the ambulance as he carefully answered, “They are not for me.”

Stopping in her movements, she turned her head towards him. “Then why do you need them? Did anybody else get hurt? Did Mackey cut herself again while slicing sandwiches?”

“Uhm, I don’t… I’m just supposed to get the stuff,” the candidate stumbled over his words, huffing annoyed. “I can’t lie to save my life! Why does everybody make me lie all the time?”

“I’m asking for the truth, Gallo,” Sylvie reminded him firmly, lifting her hands to her hips. Deep down she already knew who had sent him, but she needed his verbal confirmation. “Tell me who got hurt.”

“It’s Casey, alright? Why do I always have to get myself into these impossible situations?” The young man exclaimed annoyed, stomping his foot on the ground. “Can I just please get the stuff now? I wasn’t supposed to say anything in the first place.”

Her heart stopped at the thought of Matt being hurt. Despite what happened between them, she still cared about him deeply, and the possibility of something happening to him still scared the living daylights out of her. A life without Matt was unthinkable.

As she sucked in a deep breath to soothe her constricting lungs, she let the rational part of her brain think through the situation. Matt’s injury couldn’t be too bad if he had come back to the house instead of going to Med. Even with the call being a solo one for 81, Stella wouldn’t have let him get back in the truck if it were anything too serious. It was probably just a scratch.

She still couldn’t take the unsettling feeling of not knowing, so she hastily grabbed a few more supplies, before jumping out of the rig and addressing Gallo again, “Thank you for telling me, Gallo. I’ve got this.”

The candidate opened his mouth to reply, but the words seemed to get stuck in his throat. Without giving him any more time to express himself, Sylvie sent him a soft smile before she sped past him. Her mind was focused on finding Matt and easing her worry.

In record time, she had reached his quarters, but he wasn’t there, so she walked straight towards the bathrooms and showers, not even caring to knock in her haze. Surely enough, she found Matt standing in front of the sinks, looking into the mirror as he angrily wiped across his cheek.

“Did you get the tape, Gallo?” He called out, not taking his eyes away from the mirror.

Sylvie mustered him for a second, noting the small cut just under his right eye. The bleeding had slowed down, but a few small drops of blood were running down his cheek, where he was scrubbing at some already dried blood.

He was fine. It was just a minor cut. There was no need to worry about him. Inhaling deeply, she tried to calm her racing heart, but it didn’t work. She couldn’t even tell if it was still beating that fast from her worry or from the fact that she was alone with him for the first time in over a week.

Closing her eyes, she squared her shoulders, blocking all her thoughts about their situation out as she focused her mind on taking care of his injury. As she crossed her arms in front of her chest, she cleared her throat, “You should have gone to Med. You might need stitches.”

He froze at her voice, and every single muscle in his body tensed as he slowly lowered his hand from his face. Almost in slow motion, he turned his head towards her, his eyes finding hers. 

“Sylvie,” he mumbled softly, his lips staying inches apart after her name left them. It was the first thing he had said to her after that fateful night. His eyes moved over her face, and it made her feel bare.

“You shouldn’t have sent Gallo to get you gauze and tape just because you don’t want to see me. It’s not his job, and you made him uncomfortable,” Sylvie stated with more accusation in her voice than she intended.

Matt lowered his head at her words, sighing, “I’m not trying to avoid you, Sylvie. I just don’t know what you need right now, and I don’t want to make this any worse than it is.”

Keeping quiet, Sylvie swallowed hard, opening the small bag she had brought from the ambo. “Sending Gallo instead of finding me when you’re hurt makes it worse. It means it’s interfering with our jobs, and that’s the last thing I want to happen.”

“I hate not being able to talk to you. That’s not us,” Matt huffed as his hand flew up to his face as some more blood trickled down his cheek. “Can we just talk, please?”

_Us._ There was no us. She had ruined their friendship with her stupid attempt at going after something she wanted. It was delusional of her to think that this time she might actually be enough for once.

Grabbing some gauze, she pushed her bitter thoughts away as she stepped forward, placing herself in front of him. “Will you just let me clean this cut, please? This is not the place to talk.”

“It’s nothing. I’ll just tape it. It’s superficial,” Matt waved her off, smearing some blood across his skin in the process. As he lowered his hand, he groaned as he realized the mess he had made.

“Why don’t you let me decide? I’m trained for this,” she scolded him softly, nudging his hands away. “Please, Matt.”

Defeated, he took in a deep breath, releasing the air slowly out of his lungs again as he lowered his head down towards her. Their height difference wasn’t insanely big, but she had to push herself onto her tiptoes to inspect the cut properly.

In her haze she had forgotten to bring gloves, which was already unprofessional on so many levels but to make it worse, it meant she would feel his warm skin against her fingers. The same warm skin she had caressed lovingly a week ago.

Lifting her hand to his cheek, she gently tapped the gauze against it, soaking up the remaining blood that was leaking from the small wound before she reached for the syringe with saline. As she washed out the wound, she concentrated on taking deep, steadying breaths to not let herself be overwhelmed by Matt’s closeness.

His smell clouded her senses, but instead of letting herself get distracted by it, she sped up her routine movements of wound care. When she dabbed some gauze with disinfectant against the cut, Matt flinched and tried to pull his face away from her, but out of instinct, she grabbed his cheek to hold him in place.

Ignoring his soft groan, she continued to clean the wound in record time, and only when she taped it with two short stripes, did she realize that one of his hands was resting against her hip, clutching her jacket. Her gaze flicked over his face, and she noticed that his eyes were closed.

Wiping the remaining blood gently off his face, she smoothed her fingers over the small stripes of tape again. Instead of pulling away, she allowed her fingers to trail down from the cut and ghost across his cheek in a feather-light touch, just as he had touched her all those nights ago.

“Are you hurt anywhere else?” She questioned him quietly as she pulled her fingers away from his skin. She had to be strong. Getting carried away would make this worse and just cause her more pain.

His head followed her hand, but when he couldn’t reach her fingers, he opened his eyes, and the regret in his gaze almost knocked her over.

“I’m an idiot,” he mumbled under his breath, his voice cracking towards the end.

“Please don’t do this here,” she pressed out, resting her hands against his chest to push herself away. The hand on her hip fell away to his side, leaving a cool sensation in her wake. 

“Then let’s go to my quarters,” Matt offered quickly, pushing himself off the counter. “You’re hurting and that’s my fault. Please let me try to fix this.”

His words were so vague, but they still tugged at the tiny glimmer of hope inside of her, and that was dangerous. Gritting her teeth, she stepped back from him to put more space between them.

“Don’t give me any false hope, Matt. You have to make up your mind because I can’t take this back and forth,” she retaliated, looking him straight in the eyes. She held up her hand in front of her, shielding herself from him.

“I would never do that, Sylvie,” he defended himself, moving a step closer to her. “All I want is for you to hear me out. After that, I’ll leave you alone if that’s what you want.”

Before she could answer, the bells went off, calling 61 to a wellness check on 1326 West Hastings Street. She flinched at the loud noise, stuffing her hands into the pockets of her jacket.

“Please come find me after you get back,” Matt pleaded, tilting his head to the side as he gave her that one look that made her knees go weak every single time. It was unfair.

Puffing out some air, she walked backwards towards the door of the bathroom, but just before she exited the room, she stopped, and against her better judgment, she whispered, “I’ll see you later.”

She watched as relief washed over his face, and his shoulders sagged. It took at least a few years off him.

“Be safe,” he appealed, giving her a small nod.

Swallowing hard, she turned to leave the room, rushing towards the ambulance. What did she get herself into?

* * *

The call gave her just enough time to mentally prepare herself for her upcoming conversation with Matt. She knew it wasn’t something she could avoid forever, and it honestly wasn’t something she _wanted_ to avoid forever. But was she ready now?

The wound was still fresh, and she wasn’t sure if she could take another disappointment from him. What if he just wanted to let her down for good? It was a possibility, one that she feared deeply. On the other hand, that tiny glimmer of hope told her to hear him out because maybe there was more to his answer after all.

And could this talk go worse than their last one? Figuratively speaking, he had already broken her heart, and if he really didn’t feel anything beyond friendship for her, he might now completely shatter it, but then it would be over. If they’d postponed this talk into the unknown future, her heart might have had enough time to heal, at least to some degree, and he would just shatter it again then.

The longer she thought about it, the clearer it got. There was only one logical choice here. She needed to talk to him. She needed certainty, and Matt was the only one who could give her that.

As she approached his office, she found him sitting at his desk, his head hanging low over his paperwork. It was something she needed to call him out on because it wasn’t good for his eyes, but she pushed that thought away for another day.

He didn’t hear her coming for a second time that day, too engrossed in whatever he was currently reading. Stopping in the doorway, she rapped her knuckles against the doorframe softly.

Matt flinched in surprise, and his head wiped into her direction. When he spotted her, he jumped up from his chair. “Sylvie, please come in.” Smoothing his hands down his sides, he stretched his hand out towards his cot. “Please, take a seat if you’d like.”

She slowly stepped inside, closing the door on her way in, but after one look at his bed, she decided that she’d rather stand. Instead, she leaned against the foot of his bed.

They both stayed silent for a long minute, and out of the corner of her eye, she watched as Matt shifted on his feet, clenching his hands at his sides. It was a nervous gesture of his, something she had picked up on over the summer.

“I’m sorry,” he blurted out, breaking their excruciating silence.

She looked up to him, shaking her head softly. “There is no need to apologize, Matt. I asked you a question, and you gave me your honest answer. It’s not your fault it wasn’t the answer I wanted to hear. That’s on me.”

“No, it isn’t,” he countered, locking eyes with her. “I screwed up. The second you gave me an out that night, I just left, letting you think you didn’t mean anything to me.”

Her heart violently thumped against her ribcage at his words, and she stared at him in disbelief. Parting her lips, she concentrated on taking small breaths to keep herself focused. He did care about her. She hadn’t misinterpreted the last few months with him, but technically, it still didn’t change anything.

“Please don’t say anything you don’t mean,” she begged him softly, clutching her hands in front of her stomach.

“Sylvie,” he started, lifting his hands up his side and turning his palms up. “My feelings for you are real. Regardless of Gabby.”

Just as fast as he had gotten her hopes up, he crushed them again. His words felt like another punch to the gut, and she couldn’t fathom why he didn’t understand the obvious problem of his answer. This conversation was pointless, and she should have never agreed to it in the first place.

“That’s the point. There _is_ no regardless of Gabby,” Sylvie sighed defeated, holding his gaze for a second longer, before pushing herself away from his bed. “We’re going in circles, Matt. This isn’t helping anyone.” Her arms fell to her sides, and she lowered her head as she set a path for the door.

“No, wait please. I’m screwing this up again,” Matt called out to her as a frustrated groan left his throat. He blocked her path to the door with his body, reaching out to grab her by the shoulders, but stopped in the last second. “Please, just hear me out.”

She halted her movements and crossed her arms again, keeping her gaze on her shoes. Looking at him seemed too much right now.

“I get it, OK? I know that you need me to choose you. To put you first,” he assured her, his voice turning soft. “You deserve someone who gives you one hundred percent. I know that, Sylvie.” He paused, taking a deep breath. “And I want to be that someone.”

Biting her lip, she glanced up to him through her lashes afraid to meet his eyes. Her heart was hammering uncontrollably against her chest, and she watched him take another breath, his chest heaving. 

“The end of my marriage… It’s not something I allow myself to think about very often,” he confessed, lowering his head. “But I had more than one chance to go to Puerto Rico, and I never did.” He huffed, raising his hands in defeat. “Hell, I still don’t wanna go. I’m a Chicago guy.” 

“Did you sleep with her when she was here last year?” The words slipped out of her mouth before she could stop herself. It was a naïve question, one that she already knew the answer to. 

Matt lifted his hands to his hips, biting the inside of his cheek. “I did, and it was the last time I spoke with her. I left before she woke up and never answered her voicemail.” 

Sylvie had to bite her lip hard to not let her emotions show on her face. It happened a year ago and back then she had pushed him to see her. Apart from that, they had just been friends back then. He didn’t owe her anything. But it definitely fed into her insecurities. If it was that easy for him to go back to her that time, what would be different the next time she came to town?

“You can’t ask me these questions if you don’t want to hear my honest answer, Sylvie,” Matt reminded her gently, stepping closer to her again. “We’ve always been honest with each other. It’s something I value most about us.”

Keeping his head down, he reached for her hand, engulfing her smaller one in his. His thumb brushed softly over her knuckles, giving her a chance to say something, but the words got stuck in her throat. He was right. It was her fault for asking, and now she needed to deal with it. This was on her again. 

“The morning after we kissed, Severide asked me if I lost sleep over the possibility of Gabby coming back or over knowing that I screwed up any chance I had with you,” Matt told her, searching for her eyes. “And Gabby honestly never crossed my mind that night.”

Keeping her eyes on their hands, Sylvie tried to process everything Matt had just shared with her. He wanted to be with her, and he claimed to understand that he needed to make a choice. Yet every time he _had_ the choice to assure her that it was her that occupied his mind, he didn’t take it and rather used Gabby’s name.

She was obviously still at the back of his mind, even if he denied it. Maybe he didn’t want to go to Puerto Rico, but he had still fallen back into old habits the second she had come to town last year. And it wasn’t something Sylvie could blame him for. They had years of history, and it was natural.

“But you still rather use her name instead of mine,” Sylvie sighed, glancing up to see his confused face. “You could have said you lost sleep because of _me_ , but you choose to say you didn’t think of _her_. Don’t you think that says enough, Matt?” 

His lips pressed into a tight line, and he slowly closed his eyes as he let out a controlled breath. He was getting frustrated with himself, and despite everything that happened, Sylvie felt sorry for him. 

“I know you’re not someone who likes to talk about his feelings. You’re a physical guy, and I like that about you,” she told him, giving his hand a gentle squeeze to reinforce her point. “But if we want to work this out, you need to face your past and make a choice. I can’t keep wondering if you would go back to her the second she comes back.” 

A heavy sigh left his lips, and he closed his eyes. “I missed talking to you,” he whispered, his voice warm and soft. “You make everything sound so easy.” Opening his eyes, he lifted a hand to her face to brush a strand of hair behind her ear.

At the touch of his fingers against her skin, Sylvie’s eyes fluttered closed. Matt used the opportunity to graze his pointer over her cheekbone, leaving a burning sensation in his wake. The urge to just sink into his arms and kiss him almost drowned her.

“Your ability to see the good in people never ceases to amaze me,” he breathed, trailing his finger over her cheek once more. He subconsciously stepped closer to her until their fronts touched. 

Her eyes flew open at his words and locked with his, but just as she felt herself getting lost in them for the millionth time, she pulled herself together. Covering his hand on her cheek with her own, she gently guided it away from her face and down to his side before stepping back and separating from him. 

“You’re making this really hard for me, Matt,” she breathed as she smoothed her hands down her jacket. “I can’t be the one to help you solve this. And until you haven’t made up your mind, we can’t be anything more than friends.” 

His face fell at her words, the corners of his lips turned downwards. Together with his arms hanging loosely down his sides, he looked miserable. It was probably not how he imagined their talk would go. 

“I can’t give up, Sylvie,” he shrugged weakly. “I know what I feel for you is real. I’m happy when I’m with you, and I want to make you happy too. I want to be with you.” His voice got steadier and more intense with each word, washing away the frustration and defeat. 

When Sylvie looked into his eyes, she was met with utter determination, and it almost knocked her over. There was one thing she knew for sure, and it was that Matt Casey never backed down from a fight.

It triggered something deep inside her stomach, but she ignored the feeling. She needed to tread carefully. He could still work through his baggage and realize that Gabby was someone he couldn’t let go of. It was Gabby Dawson after all. His miracle. 

“Work this out, Matt. Not for me but for yourself,” she encouraged him, laying a hand onto his shoulder. “As long as you hang on to the past, you won’t be able to move forward.” She gave his shoulder a soft squeeze, before pulling her hand back. “I’m gonna go and have lunch now.” She moved past him towards the door, stopping in the doorframe when Matt called out to her.

“Sylvie?”

“Hm?”

“I know I’m not in a position to make any demands, but I miss talking to my friend.” 

Turning around, she mustered him for a second, shaking her head softly. “I don’t wanna lose our friendship either. We shouldn’t let this get in the way of what we had.”

His shoulders sagged in relief, and he tilted his head to the side to send her a hesitant smile. “Thank you, Sylvie.”

Nodding briefly, she bit her lip before finally leaving his quarters. As she walked towards the common room, she took a few deep breaths to collect her thoughts.

While their talk didn’t give her the certainty she wanted and only fed into her insecurities even more, she still felt like some weight had been lifted off her shoulders. It still boiled down to Matt not letting go of his past. A big part of her also doubted he ever would because nobody was able to compete with Gabby Dawson, especially not her.

But they had gotten this first awkward talk out of the way, and they had both agreed to not let it affect their friendship. At least that meant she wouldn’t lose Matt Casey completely. And that had to be enough for now.


End file.
